Posts Tagged ‘Fathers’

Winning isn’t everything. It’s the only thing.

My husband is a genius. Please do not, under any circumstance, reveal this information to him. However, I have to tell you that he has invented the single most brilliant behavior modification technique in the history of child-rearing. And it’s actually working!

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Flash football!

“But it’s only a matter of time before he becomes the laughing stock of the team. Then the kids will exclude him from everything. No one will ever pass him the ball. It’s just a disaster waiting to happen.”

“O.K.,” I said, rather astonished by his catastrophic prophecy. “But I think you’re maybe over-reacting. Does this per chance bring up something painful from your own past?”

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I wanna hold your hand…

Ah yes, I remember middle school well. I remember the stress. I remember the struggle. But today I remembered something I had burried away in the recesses of my mind. I remembered being embarrassed by my father.

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Deathly Hallows II or Hundred Acres?

I tried to prime Eli that it might be scary, hoping that maybe he’d opt out before I had to plink down 7 bucks and swelter alfresco in a long line of muggles outside the theatre

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He woke me! He really woke me!!!

My mom, on the other hand awoke startled, bolting upright like an overdone pop-tart shooting out of a burning toaster. She’d accost you with a hysterical “What’s wrong?” or a frantic “Who died?” It was just…stressful to wake my mom.

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I am a camera

I’m sitting at my computer watching a slide show of photos of happy kids, untroubled parents and a family that clearly loves life, each other and having fun. Who are these people?

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Parents of the world, unite!

When I was growing up, children were supposed to be “seen and not heard.” We did what we were told. We went where our parents decided to go. We ate whatever our mom’s made for dinner. And if we didn’t like it, we were “given something to really cry about.”

Cut to: a generation later and the whole model has been turned upside down…

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The makings of a meltdown.

1.) I am late for everything. This is a flaw that I seem unable to overcome. I feel badly about myself for my tardiness. But when it negatively impacts my children, I feel even worse. Translated, the message I get in this type of situation is:
I SUCK AS A MOTHER!!!!

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Proofreading lessons

Is it kid’s meals or kids’ meals or kids meals? That was the sticking point in November, when we published our annual “Kids Eat Free” directory. Today, as I assembled seven proofreaders’ corrections to our June issue, there were questions about colons, capitalizations and hyphens. One of my proofers noticed inconsistencies in how we were [...]

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A letter to unappreciated mamas everywhere

I am Debra’s husband. In honor of Mother’s day, I am giving Debra the day off by writing her column. Regular readers of this blog may wonder how much of the outrageousness she writes about is true. Well, living with her is a little like living in a sitcom with Laura Petrie.

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