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I swear! It’s true

I acknowledge that I am surely the only parent who continuously breaks the unwritten rule to use only Websteresque appropriate language in the presence of children. But have you checked the dictionary lately? Not that this makes it right, but the “F” word is in there, right between “fucoid” (relating to or resembling the rockweeds) and “fuchsite” (a greenish variety of muscovite, high in chromium).

Kids say the darndest things

“She did nothing. Like she always does,” he said in a cheery, non-judgmental tone. He was simply stating a fact, as he knew it. I was crushed. Memories of my tween pals and me sitting around after school lamenting the uselessness of our stay-at-home mothers flooded my memory banks. Pay-back really is a bitch.

Leggo my Eggo!

He was so irked that he placed a leftover empty salad plate at the edge of the table to tempt one of the passing waiters. But as soon as she eyed it and moved in for the kill, he swept his napkin over it and slid it to safety beneath the table. Then, not finding this at all amusing, she outstretched her hand like a stern school teacher who had discovered the classroom clown hiding a perilous pea-shooter. “I’m going to take it anyway,” she chastised, “so you might as well give it up.”

Going beyond dinner and a movie

When my husband and I were first dating, we came across a beat-up desk in a second-hand store. We spent many evenings over the...

The Good Divorce

If you were to see Wendy Cracchiolo and Tim Sheedy at the same event you might think they were good friends, or even siblings....

Deathly Hallows II or Hundred Acres?

I tried to prime Eli that it might be scary, hoping that maybe he’d opt out before I had to plink down 7 bucks and swelter alfresco in a long line of muggles outside the theatre

I’m gonna make it after all…really?

I want to be the June Cleaver of sitcom fame. But I’m not. I’m more a child-laden version of Mary Richards from the Mary Tyler Moore Show. Imagine me, in the middle of a snowy Minnesota roadway, tossing my infamous beret into the air and trying to catch it victoriously while also reigning in two impish little creatures who think it’s just fun to dart into the street between racing taxi cabs.

He woke me! He really woke me!!!

My mom, on the other hand awoke startled, bolting upright like an overdone pop-tart shooting out of a burning toaster. She’d accost you with a hysterical “What’s wrong?” or a frantic “Who died?” It was just...stressful to wake my mom.

I am a camera

I’m sitting at my computer watching a slide show of photos of happy kids, untroubled parents and a family that clearly loves life, each other and having fun. Who are these people?

Addicted to…what?

I mean, what prompts someone to begin chowing down on her sofa? I’ll admit I often find myself too tired to meander over to the fridge during Jimmy Kimmel Live. But I’ve never even contemplated digging into the couch for sustenance...

Parents of the world, unite!

When I was growing up, children were supposed to be “seen and not heard.” We did what we were told. We went where our parents decided to go. We ate whatever our mom’s made for dinner. And if we didn’t like it, we were “given something to really cry about.” Cut to: a generation later and the whole model has been turned upside down...

A letter to unappreciated mamas everywhere

I am Debra's husband. In honor of Mother’s day, I am giving Debra the day off by writing her column. Regular readers of this blog may wonder how much of the outrageousness she writes about is true. Well, living with her is a little like living in a sitcom with Laura Petrie.

Six word memoir

If you only had six words, who would you be? Can you hone a description of yourself to that fine a point? Without cliche? Without limiting all that you are?

It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood…

We live in this neatly polished Scottsdale community. What bothers me most about it, is the neatness and the polish. It’s just not who we are. But you’ve heard all the reasons why we make the compromises we make; “it’s a beautiful, safe, gated community where the kids can ride their bikes and play across the street at the neighbors.” Only problem is that our kids don’t ride bicycles and in the decade we’ve been here, we haven’t met a single neighbor -- until now.

Keeping marriage hot after saying, “I do!”

I have lists for everything. I even have lists for my lists. That’s what moms do best: keep order and get things done. We...

Financial University

My youngest son asked his dad how much money he makes. Mark, as usual, came back in his standard unflappable manner with, “More than five dollars and less than enough.”

Party Articles

Out-of-the Box Birthday Party Ideas

Wanting to do something a little extra special for your child’s next birthday party? Maybe it’s a milestone birthday—like turning double digits or entering...

Party Etiquette

Whether you’re hosting a party or attending one, you may be wondering—do people really RSVP anymore? What about goodie bags, are those still a...

How to Throw a Birthday Party that Won’t Break the Bank

I remember the days when birthday parties consisted of colorful balloons, streamers, a simple cake, and the classics like musical chairs and tag with...

How to do a drive-by birthday party

As we get deeper into quarantine, people have gotten creative with birthday celebrations. One result: the drive-by birthday party.

Home pool party? Hire a lifeguard!

Drowning happens silently and quickly. That’s why children are at risk even when — and sometimes especially when — adults are nearby. Even a "designated...