When I stand up for myself I feel…

i can’t even return things i buy that i ultimately decide i don’t want. I’m not kidding.I never take anything back. I throw out moldy Trader Joe’s produce. I donate defective electronic equipment with tags still in tact. I wont even return clothes that don’t fit me.

I enjoy being a girl

"I’m a post-modern feminist,” I quipped. “I believe that chivalry and feminism can peacefully co-exist. Besides, I’ve never advocated that women should have equal rights. Rather, it’s always been my belief that we are entitled to special rights."

Show a little damn gratitude, will ya?

What’s up with charities this year? Has anyone noticed that everyone who’s asking for handouts this yuletide season has conditions? “Please drop off any unwrapped, newly purchased, non-age specific, genderless toys by December 15th.” Ok, seriously?

Fried at “Fry’s”

Yesterday my eldest son got electrocuted at Fry's Electronics. The irony of that is not wasted on me...

Spring cleaning…in November

If it was on the ground, it went into the heap. It was as simple as that. There was no selection process. If it didn’t belong on the floor, she took it. Then, she carted all the items out of the house and dumped them smack dab in the middle of the street.

Pull yourself together…or apart rather!

Somewhere along the line we learned that taking care of ourselves emotionally didn’t count nearly as much as our efforts to mend our physical selves and acknowledge our bodily problems.

Go live with a car battery…

Unconditional love is the culprit of all rotten behavior.

Honesty is…usually the best policy

It can’t be easy to learn that your cherished mother was once a toothless carnie or a handsomely paid exotic dancer.

A bird in the hand…

Do you ever just get tired? I do. Today I’m tired. I’m tired of beating around bushes, meeting people half way, putting my nose to the grindstone...

Preview of coming attractions…

I feel like I’m sitting at Harkin’s watching my very own preview of coming attractions. and much like I often feel at the theatre, the previews are too detailed, too graphic, and they ruin the movie by telling you exactly what’s “coming soon.”

Birthday blunder

Finally he was acting like a normal kid which gave me the opportunity to act like a normal parent. Maybe for once I could get him some stuff that would make him happy, even if it was only a fleeting happiness.

Breaking up is hard to undo

I never in a million years would have thought that my failure to acknowledge her torrential toilet would have caused the total demise of our friendship.

What I learned from the daily funnies.

There’s always a window that’s lowered by a millimeter, a woman’s hair is slightly shorter, a man’s polka-dotted tie turns to stripes. It’s really not so hard. So why am I blinded to these seemingly obvious differences?

My summer vacation (from parenting)

I’m a firm believer in absence making the heart grow fonder. Sometimes I think the whole purpose of going away is to get that rush of coming home feelings.

A real life email to my husband during tense economic times

There's even a show for Moms addicted to energy drinks. Figures I gave up my Red Bull a few years ago.

Give me back my Kindle!

I’m okay sharing my bank account, my bed, my body, my children, my soul etc... But don’t ask me to share my Kindle! Look,...

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How to do a drive-by birthday party

As we get deeper into quarantine, people have gotten creative with birthday celebrations. One result: the drive-by birthday party.

Home pool party? Hire a lifeguard!

Drowning happens silently and quickly. That’s why children are at risk even when — and sometimes especially when — adults are nearby. Even a "designated...