Is there anything more exciting than the sweet anticipation of a baby on the way? Whether it’s your first or your fifth, there’s something magical about the planning, daydreaming, shopping and washing and folding of tiny newborn clothes.
But what if this isn’t your first time around? If it’s your second, third or fourth child, should you not make a big deal about it? Does it change the fact that—no matter how many kids you have—you still need diapers and a fresh set of burp cloths? Or that you can’t reuse the crib in which your toddler has taken up residence? Or that your infant car seat is still in use or permanently encrusted in Cheerios?
There’s a lot of confusion when it comes to the etiquette of expecting the second time around, particularly when it comes to baby showers. First babies get all the love with elaborate—and often multiple—baby showers, complete with games, a lengthy gift registry and plenty of advice to prepare you for the biggest life change you’ll ever make.
There’s no reason you shouldn’t celebrate subsequent pregnancies, according to SueAnn Brown, owner of the Phoenix-based etiquette-training company It’s All About Etiquette. “It’s always nice to celebrate a new birth. There aren’t a lot of etiquette rules for second baby showers,” says Brown.
Not only is it OK to have another shower, there are many different ways to celebrate. There’s ample room for creativity while planning events as unique as each baby and family.
Traditional baby shower
Second showers are no longer taboo; they’re becoming mainstream. Let your family or friends plan a full-blown shower with games and presents, especially if you are welcoming a boy or girl for the first time and you need gender-specific items.
Scottsdale mom Corine Chen celebrated her second pregnancy (and first boy) with a traditional mimosa brunch at her mother’s home. “I had no qualms about having a second shower. I didn’t have anything for a boy—unless people wanted to see him in pink 24/7,” she laughs.
The second time around, however, Chen skipped a theme and games: “When it’s your first, you want to experience that. I just wanted to celebrate the baby, eat good food and socialize.”
Baby sprinkle
A sprinkle is a scaled-back version of a baby shower. Many expectant moms find it a nice compromise between a traditional shower and no shower at all. It can be as simple as going out to brunch or tea with your closest girlfriends.
“This is a brand-new concept, where the etiquette is unclear,” says Brown. “One major difference is that there is no registry for a sprinkle, although gifts are perfectly OK.”
Brown says hosts can do whatever they want for a sprinkle. “It’s simply a fun way to welcome a new baby and wish mom and the family well.”
Gender-reveal party
Gender-reveal parties have soared in popularity over the last few years because parents can find out their baby’s gender sooner than ever. A gender-reveal party in lieu of a baby shower is a fun way to celebrate the new baby without the to-do of a traditional shower. Invitations can be as informal as a phone call. Dads and siblings usually get in on the action, too, making it fun for the whole family.
It doesn’t even have to be a party. When Scottsdale mom Rebecca Borys was expecting her third and last child, there was much anticipation about whether she was going to have a girl or be the mom of three boys. She had a friend fill homemade cupcakes with appropriately colored icing and filmed her two boys chomping into them to reveal a telltale blue “it’s-a-boy!” filling.
“We planned to share the video on Facebook because we live so far away from friends and family and we wanted to share this special moment with all of them, as well as our new Arizona friends,” says Borys. “We were excited and wanted others to be a part of our excitement. We had so much fun with the gender reveal.”
Gifts are not necessary at gender-reveal parties, “but it’s always polite to bring a hostess gift, like a bottle of wine or chocolates,” says Brown.
Sip and see
While not a traditional shower, a sip and see can be a great way for parents to celebrate with family and friends after baby’s arrival. Guests come and go during a window of time—like an open house—to meet the baby and enjoy refreshments and light snacks.
Presents are not expected, although close friends and family will often bring something for the new baby.
Phoenix mom Meghan Smart held sip and sees for both of her children: a welcome-to-the-world party for her first child based on her son’s nursery theme (celebrating the Pixar movie “Up”) and a ’50s sock hop for her daughter.
“I wanted to make sure people met the kids before I went back to work but [didn’t want to] be flooded with visitors during those first couple of months,” says Smart. A sip and see was the perfect solution.
Brown stresses the importance of making sip and sees easy on the parents. “It shouldn’t be anything too overwhelming,” she says. “Ask a friend or family member for help.”
Second thoughts
The greatest gift of all has nothing to do with gifts.
“I think there’s a lot of excitement and showering around your first child,” says Borys. “Of course, with the second and third, our family and friends were just as excited; but I think people figure you already have everything—so there is less ‘showering.’”
The third time around, Borys says her family asked her what she needed and she “honestly couldn’t think of anything. But even though we didn’t have showers for our second or third, they were showered with love from friends and family.”
“I tried hard to do for my second kid what I did for my first, including showers and gender-reveal parties,” says Smart. “It’s not about gifts; it’s about love and support. Even with your second, you still need advice, love and support—and you always need things like diapers.”
Second shower dos and don’ts
Do…
- Go the extra mile to make it worth your guests’ while to attend subsequent showers. Make the food and beverage offerings extra special. For example, consider catering the shower or making the meal from scratch.
- Expect gifts if you send an invitation—whether printed or electronically—unless you explicitly state that you do not want them.
- Register! It can be helpful for guests who may not know what you already have—or what needs replacing.
Don’t…
- Be reluctant to celebrate a new addition to your family—even if it’s your third, fourth or fifth child.
- Expect guests to come to a gender-reveal party, shower and sip and see unless your friends and family are real partygoers. Pick one or two events, or invite different guests to different events.
- Host your own shower. Your house can be “party central” if you wish, but ask a close friend or family member to do the honors.
