If you think the incidence of child sexual abuse is rare, consider the statistics: “One in four women and one in six men were sexually abused as children,” says Caleb Kimpel of Phoenix-based Childhelp.org, an international organization dedicated to helping victims of child abuse and neglect. “It’s a topic that needs to get talked about.”
But what exactly can parents do to prevent their children from falling victim to sexual abuse?
Jenny Coleman, director at Stop It Now—a national organization with a 20-year history of working to prevent child sexual abuse—has some suggestions.
Coleman says the first thing parents need to understand is that children can’t be responsible for preventing sexual abuse. Adults need to be on the lookout for warning signs and should be ready to stand up and speak out against it.
Have a safety plan
Parents are used to doing safety planning when it comes to other areas of their children’s lives. They set boundaries when it comes to riding bikes or playing around the pool. There should also be rules when it comes to situations that might put children at risk for child sexual abuse.
- Make sure all members of the family have rights to privacy in dressing, bathing, sleeping and other personal activities. If anyone does not respect these rights, an adult should clearly enforce the family rules.
- Teach children that their “no” will be respected, whether it’s in playing, tickling, hugging or kissing.
- Give children the correct language for understanding their bodies, for asking questions and for telling about any behavior that could lead to sexual abuse.
- Be clear with adults and children about the difference between “OK touch” and inappropriate touch. Help children understand that it is unacceptable to use manipulation or control to touch someone else’s body.
- Explain the difference between a secret and a surprise. Surprises are joyful experiences. Secrets exclude others, often because the information will create upset or anger.
When children know the rules, they are more likely to let parents know when lines have been crossed.
Know what healthy sexual behavior looks like
Sexual curiosity and experimentation in children is normal, but parents need to be on the look out for behaviors that are not age-appropriate or that are distressing and recurring.
Keep lines of communications open
The key to prevention is having a strong, healthy relationship with your child, says Kimpel. “Maintaining communication, knowing what your children do in their free time and having an understanding of the people that are around them helps parents notice if things seem out of the ordinary.”
Parents should watch for a changes in behavior, like the child who no longer wants to go to sports practice or who seems uncomfortable around a particular adult.
Parents should also be on the lookout for “grooming” activities. This usually involves an adult spending more time with a child or showing more interest in a particular child than is reasonable. Gift-giving or other manipulative behaviors used to gain a child’s confidence may also be red flags to something inappropriate.
Act on suspicions
Child sexual abuse thrives on people being too nervous or too scared to come forward. Hotlines like 1-800-4-A-CHILD are staffed with trained professionals who are prepared to deal with questions and crises surrounding these issues.
Stop It Now! also has an online help center and crisis hotline: 1-888-PREVENT.
When contacting these agencies, it’s important to stay calm and be specific about the behaviors that are concerning to you.
Where to go for help
Child Help Children’s Center of Arizona is a child advocacy center in downtown Phoenix that brings together all the different agencies necessary for dealing with a topic as complicated as child sexual abuse. Medical professionals, law enforcement, child safety agencies, case managers and counselors are all on hand to deal with the criminal investigations and emotional fallout from these types of crimes.
The center also has a mobile unit that serves rural areas in northern and eastern Arizona.