By Flora Farago, M.S. with Mary Anne Duggan, Ph.D.
Standing in line at the store, 5-year-old Annie points at the cashier and says, “Mama, her skin is dark.” Mom blushes, hushes Annie and apologizes.
For many white parents, an incident like this can cause embarrassment and discomfort. But it also can serve as a wonderful opportunity to talk with your child about race.
Research indicates that parents of color discuss race with their children, but white parents tend to adopt a colorblind, misleading attitude: “If I don’t talk about race—and I treat everyone fairly—my children will grow up to be non-racist.”
In the face of silence, children may come to stereotypical conclusions on their own. Without fully understanding that racism results in racial disparities, children might make incorrect assumptions: for example, they may make the association that skin color is what makes people poor.
“Young children’s minds naturally work to make sense of this world,” says Eva Marie Shivers, JD, PhD, director of the Indigo Cultural Center, a nonprofit in Phoenix that promotes social justice and racial equality. “When we are silent around the topic of race, children naturally fill in the blanks on their own. It is problematic [that] implicit biases are as pervasive as they are in our society.”
If children can’t name and recognize race, how can they recognize and challenge racism?
Tips for talking to your children about race and racism
Be explicit. Say the words “race” and “racism.” Give concrete examples of how stereotypes are inaccurate. Point out examples of successful Latino men in your community and in the media and explain that stereotypes of black men as “threatening” are harmful and untrue.
Discuss similarities and differences. Try telling your child, “We may have different ways of expressing ourselves, but we all want to be heard and respected” or “Our hair might be styled differently, but we all want to be accepted by our friends.”
Help kids learn how to recognize hidden biases. Touch on the concept of institutional racism, where society as a whole gives negative treatment to people based on race—and how we can recognize hidden biases or discomfort when discussing race and racism.
Talking is not enough. Expose children to environments with children of diverse races. This might involve traveling to a library outside of your neighborhood for story time or seeking out diverse playgroups. Community celebrations and events are opportunities to broaden your child’s view of the world.
Find resources on race conversations at indigoculturalcenter.org.
Flora Farago, MS, is a doctoral candidate in Family & Human Development in the Sanford School at ASU in Tempe and a researcher at the Indigo Cultural Center inf Phoenix. Mary Anne Duggan, PhD, is an assistant research professor at the T. Denny Sanford School of Social and Family Dynamis at ASU. Reach them at email@example.com.
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June 5, 2020 update
The following additional resources and inspiration arose following the May 25, 2020 brutal killing of George Floyd by Minneapolis police.
Arizona State Superintendent of Public Instruction Kathy Hoffman shared a quote urging us all to remember that children mimic what they see.
“Above and beyond anything else children watch us and how we react to things.” – Dr. Faith Sproul. I encourage you to listen to her guide on how to discuss recent events, race, and police violence with your children ⬇️ https://t.co/rPqI7SYaC2
— Kathy Hoffman (@Supt_Hoffman) June 4, 2020
The Arizona K12 Center, which provides professional development and teacher leadership to improve teaching and learning in Arizona schools:
As ever, now is a time to return to this episode of #3PsinaPod from April 2019 when hosts Danielle and Angelia spoke with Glenn Singleton about how courageous conversations about race can help bring about systemic change. Listen here: https://t.co/0KVnI68hIw @courageousdove pic.twitter.com/dwft1izb7c
— Arizona K12 Center (@azk12) June 1, 2020
Mindfulness First, a Scottsdale-based nonprofit that provides trauma-informed online teacher training in mindfulness-based social emotional learning:
In “So You Want to Talk About Race”, Ijeoma Oluo guides readers of all races through subjects ranging from intersectionality and affirmative action to “model minorities” to make the seemingly impossible possible: honest conversations about race and racism. https://t.co/4stvo21kwy pic.twitter.com/0wOqfMnjZO
— Mindfulness First (@mindfulfirst) June 3, 2020
The Life Kit program on National Public Radio:
If you’re a white parent, don’t wait for your kids to bring up the topic of race. Start the discussion before then, says @drjenharvey.
— Life Kit (@NPRLifeKit) June 4, 2020