Kara Newland of Anthem is a typical mom. She and her husband oversee a busy household that includes active 11-year-old twin boys.
Newland enjoyed her job as a teacher but decided she needed a reprieve from the challenges of keeping a classroom full of eighth graders on track. But when she left her job last year, she found that she missed the connection she had forged with this age group. She knows the “middle school years are pivotal.”
Newland started looking for a different place to connect. Surfing the Internet, she landed at the site for Phoenix Youth at Risk. Ultimately she found herself in a new and unlikely relationship as a mentor to James, 16, whose mother is serving in Afghanistan on her third overseas tour with the U.S. military. James lives with his father while his mother is away.
Mentoring goes back as far as the time of ancient Greece. Mentor was the name of a character in Homer’s Odyssey, a man whom Odysseus chose to look after his son in his absence during the Trojan War. The word “mentor” means “a wise and trusted counselor or teacher.”
Mentors are needed more today than ever before. Shifts in family dynamics—an increase in single-parent households, greater demands in the workplace and shrinking education and community funds—have combined to create a social environment struggling to meet the needs of many young people.
Research shows that traditional sources of contact, including extended families, neighborhoods and schools have changed over the past several decades, making it more challenging for adolescents to form lasting bonds with caring adults. Parents feel the stress of modern life and the struggle to keep up, let alone get ahead.
There are fewer teachers for more kids. Crime, especially gang- and drug-related, has compromised the safety of neighborhoods.
These conditions converge to limit opportunities, creating a larger population of at-risk children who face the proverbial fork in the road. Their choices—right or wrong—can set a path for life.
Volunteer mentoring programs have sprung up to meet this burgeoning need. While funds are ever scarcer for community programs, many organizations work tirelessly at this unique matchmaking effort, to the benefit of countless individuals and society at large.
“For as little as an hour a week, you can literally change the direction of a child’s life,” says Linda Lyman, president and CEO of Youth at Risk. Since 1989 the organization has served more than 2,600 kids of the highest need in the community—marginalized or homeless children, at-risk teens and victims of violence and drugs.
Youth at Risk mentors are all ages and come from all walks of life. They’re men and women who have “walked the walk” or simply know they want to give back to their community in a committed, meaningful way.
After going through an intensive orientation, mentors help kids identify goals and recognize obstacles, while offering them the support they need.
“Mentors and youth have a different relationship,” Lyman says. “It’s not as complicated as being a parent. Mentors listen with a completely different ear.They leave judgment at the door and coach, not direct.”
As a mentor, Newland discovered personal benefits that enhance her parenting: “I’ve learned a lot about myself, and how to listen better. It’s not about me telling James what I know. Mentoring makes me a better mother by giving me a different perspective.”
Newland’s husband fully supports her efforts by spending extra time with the boys so she can get out with James to enjoy biking, hiking and on-site activities at Youth at Risk’s downtown location. She now hopes to bring a mentoring program to Anthem.
Since Newland and James were matched last fall, she’s realized the importance of seeing the goodness in kids that others might have given up on. “We’re all more alike, more connected, than we know,” “she says.” Different lives, same heart.”
Other mothers followed a similar path to Youth at Risk. Kendahl Millecam of Tempe, the mother of two young boys (Miles, 5, and Eli, 1), was attending her first of four training sessions when we met. While she does not remember a specific mentor in her life and admits that even her parents “were not there for me,” she has encountered people who have inspired her and helped her to “realize that I can still do what I can to make a difference.”
Millecam is drawn to social work but with young ones at home can’t commit to a career. A babysitter is with the boys while she’s at training until her husband, who supports her involvement with Youth at Risk, gets home from work. Although Eli was born with several conditions that have so far required three surgeries (he is now doing well), Millecam states simply, “I have a lot of privileges in my life; I need to turn it around and help others.”
Kelli Walsh of Phoenix joined Youth at Risk in 2007, when she was pregnant with her first child. Now with a full-time job and two young children ages 1 and 3, finding time to participate can be challenging, but she and her husband make it work. Walsh has moved steadily further into the organization, starting as a mentor, moving on to leadership team member, then mentor coach and now participation manager, where she works with other coaches, up to 30 mentors and their youth.
Walsh has come to understand the distinction between mentor and parent: “Our young people here are not looking for another mother or someone to tell them what to do and how to do it. They want someone to give them insight, perspective and support,” to empower them for a life full of possibilities. She has taken what she’s learned and applied it to her own life: “And it’s a pretty great life! I love this organization and will continue to grow with them as long as they’ll have me.”
While mentoring through Youth at Risk is most often a one-on-one relationship, the DeBlouw family of Phoenix has taken it to a different level. Tracey, husband Dave and son Chase have been matched with Samuel since he was 7 years old. Tracey remembers a shy, frightened little boy who jumped at any loud noise and barely spoke.
“I know it has helped our mentee greatly since he has never lived in a house with a mother, a father and a sibling at the same time,” she says. “It has given him an opportunity to experience and understand the different roles within a traditional family and to know that a family should feel safe together and love one another unconditionally. When we’re with our mentee everyone puts all selfish motives aside” to expose Samuel, now 10, to opportunities he wouldn’t otherwise enjoy because of his current situation.
“He’s like a little brother to me,” says Chase, who has seen Samuel grow into a more active and social boy with whom he enjoys a mutual love of baseball.
Another Valley mentoring program, Arizona Quest for Kids (AQFK), has a unique approach to matching adults and kids. Its mission is to provide support for college entrance and graduation to low-income students with academic potential. AQFK partners with schools throughout the Valley to administer the program. Elizabeth “Biss” Kuttner, site coordinator at Phoenix’s Madison Park School, says that schools serve as “learning hubs in the community and are ideal sites for the program.”
AQFK promotes life skills, character and leadership development in preparation for college by pairing students in grades 5 through 12 with adult role models. Pairs meet weekly. With a two-pronged approach—site-based, one-on-one visits at school (grades 5-8) and community-based (through the high school years)—mentors coach, advise, encourage and “pass their own sense of self and success on to a young person,” says Kuttner. “They believe that education is the pathway to success.”
AQFK focuses on low-income kids without access to opportunity. However, students must apply for acceptance and maintain good grades and attendance to stay in the program. Parents support the mentor/mentee relationship, but stay on the sidelines. AQFK kids understand the long-term commitment and appreciate being part of this unique group, Kuttner says.
Approximately 500 kids from Phoenix and Tucson participate. AQFK students also take part in community service activities and attend arts, cultural and recreational field trips. They are “more inclined to give back, knowing they have a privilege that comes with responsibility,” Kuttner says.
RAISING ARIZONA KIDS magazine’s marketing director, MaryAnn Ortiz-Lieb, has been matched with Sonia, 15, since Sonia was in the fifth grade. With her share of professional and familial responsibilities, Ortiz-Lieb never thought about mentoring until a teacher presented the idea to her. Now that her 20-year old son Sean is at the University of Arizona and her 18-year daughter Juliann is headed to Barrett, The Honors College at ASU, she and Sonia can concentrate on those all-important high school years ahead. Sonia will begin her sophomore year at North High School’s International Baccalaureate program this fall.
Ortiz-Lieb enjoys the fact that their bond is “not the typical parent-child relationship—Sonia has parents.” As mentor and mentee, they can take a more objective approach to life’s accomplishments and failures. “I can experience more of a pure joy by mentoring because I’m not so entangled in it as a parent. Every time she sets a goal and we work on it together, or when she tries something I suggest and it works and she’s happy, I can tell she is so grateful.”
Sonia has blossomed through their partnership, saying, “MaryAnn has helped me overcome my shyness. She keeps me in line.” Ortiz-Lieb holds Sonia accountable, discussing her progress (and grades) when they meet at school or a favorite café. She helped Sonia organize—and win—her campaign for vice president of the sophomore class, providing stickers, reviewing her speech and making suggestions about how to present herself.
Sonia’s current path leads straight to college, although she has yet to decide where. Ortiz-Lieb will see her through to the end of the program in Sonia’s senior year.
I ask Ortiz-Lieb what else she has gotten out of this relationship, one that she assures me will endure far beyond Sonia’s high school and college years.
“I found somebody who likes to go to the Phoenix Art Museum!” she says.
“Having a mentor has changed so much in my life,” Sonia adds. “It’s been such a positive experience. I think it would be amazing to do this for someone else.”
Much of the energy spent mentoring today’s youth is focused on preventing anti-social activities through guidance and encouragement. “Without attention, these kids could end up making lasting negative choices,” says Kuttner.
By offering opportunities for positive influence, kids feel safer, less isolated and more willing to recognize negative patterns and take the initiative to change them.
As the third of three girls, I had my share of big sisters. The chance for a little sister of my own came along when I was in my 30s. I became a Big Sister (a “Big”) with Big Brothers Big Sisters of Central Arizona (BBBS). While this organization has been in the Valley for more than 50 years, its national history goes back well over a century.
“Making mentoring part of our culture creates a healthier community,” says John Hamilton, VP of programs for BBBS. “It’s a program of choice. Volunteers, parents and kids all agree on the match. It doesn’t mean the parent is inadequate. The program offers a gift of time and attention from a committed adult, a special friendship” where matches spend time outdoors, work on homework, play games or just talk.
Hamilton says the goal of pairing caring adults and kids is to address challenges in modern society, including “at-risk” situations and the lack of positive role models in kids’ lives that such conditions can create.
One particular “Big/Little” match that has gone the distance—with plans to go even further—is Melissa Crytzer Fry and Shelly. They have been together since 2001, when Shelly was a fourth grader; she is now poised to begin her first year at Northern Arizona University. The pair started meeting weekly for lunch at school, then branched into other activities like baking and rollerblading. The relationship has evolved over the years, shifting from that of mentor/mentee to friends. After all, Shelly is no longer the naïve little girl from elementary school but a young woman of 18, ready to tackle grown-up challenges ahead. Fry plans to be with her every step of the way.
Community involvement was at the back of Fry’s mind before she stopped by the BBBS booth at a Phoenix College event. As a writer working from home, she felt she had the flexibility and time to commit, not to mention “the power to influence. Adults have the ability to have a huge impact but often don’t even know it. Plus it’s good for kids to have an outlet—someone to trust” outside the family sphere.
Fry has seen Shelly grow by leaps and bounds, and is impressed with her drive and academic focus. Fry says Shelly will be the first in her family to graduate from high school, let alone go to college.
In October of 2009 Fry was named Big Sister of the Year, an honor reserved for volunteers who represent the best of what the organization is all about: commitment to and longevity in a special relationship. Even after moving from Phoenix to Mammoth, more than 130 miles southeast of the Valley, Fry makes the effort to spend time with Shelly.
“She’d become such an integral part of my life that I was more than willing to drive the 275-mile roundtrip twice a month,” she says.
Fry has worked with Shelly on career exploration, introducing her to an interior designer (Shelly’s major at NAU), and even taught her to balance her checkbook.
Shelly says she is “very grateful for having Melissa in my life” and plans to pass on the positive influences she has gained through this remarkable match by becoming a mentor herself some day. She’s off to a good start as a role model for her younger sister.
Fry plans to visit her at school in Flagstaff. “Shelly has made this mentorship easy,” says Fry. “She has changed my perspective on teenagers and given me hope in the next generation. This is not the end for us.”
EDITOR’S NOTE: Following publication of our story, Phoenix Youth at Risk merged with Arizona Quest for Kids. The resulting organization is now called New Pathways for Youth.
