A Foster Family’s Story
Reunification is the goal of foster care—but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. For many foster families, reunification brings a complicated mix of hope, heartbreak, and grief that often goes unseen or unspoken. Ashlyn and Spencer Leyba of Mesa, have been foster parents for over two years and are currently caring for their sixth foster child. Ashlyn describes reunification as one of the most emotionally challenging parts of the journey.
“There’s no universal answer for anything in foster care,” Ashlyn shares. Some reunifications come with weeks of preparation after court hearings, while others happen suddenly. “One was less than a 24-hour notice,” she recalls. That uncertainty alone can feel destabilizing, especially when bonds have already formed.
For the Leyba family, grief doesn’t just belong to the adults—it deeply affects their eight-year-old biological daughter as well. From the beginning, they’ve been honest with her about fostering, explaining it as kind of like helping someone who is injured and needs someone to take care of them. Still, when a child leaves, the loss is real. “She definitely goes through a grieving period—it’s like losing a sibling for her,” says Ashlyn.
That permission to feel—to be sad, angry, or confused—has become a cornerstone of how the family copes. “The biggest thing we tell our daughter is just make sure you feel it,” she says. “It’s okay to think it’s unfair. It’s okay to be sad.”
When a reunification approaches, Ashlyn creates a small photo book documenting their time together. “I make one for my daughter as well,” she explains. “Then we spend some quality family time grieving.” Even with intention and preparation, the pain can be overwhelming. “For us, it’s a lot of anger at first… knowing you’re handing them off and not having a single ounce of power in it.”
Support systems play a critical role in helping families weather that grief. Ashlyn emphasizes that they couldn’t do foster care without their extended family, church, and community. “Every time we get a new foster kid I post in the community Facebook group—and our community shows up.” In one instance, when a child was arriving unexpectedly on her birthday, Ashlyn shared about it with their online Facebook community, and the next day they had wrapped presents waiting for the child on their doorstep.
Despite the losses, Ashlyn remains grounded in the purpose behind fostering. She encourages foster parents facing their first reunification to model positivity for the child. “They’re going to treat it how you treat it. If you’re happy for them, they will be happy. Have a good attitude for them.”
And even though reunification often means goodbye forever, Ashlyn holds tight to the small rewards of it. “One little tiny win makes everything else totally worth it.” Whether it’s teaching a child how to pray for the first time or hearing, “I just love being in this family,” those moments have left lasting imprints on Ashlyn and her family.
“It’s been hard,” Ashlyn reflects, “but it’s honestly been awesome.”
In foster care, grief and hope coexist—and for families like the Leybas, making space for both is what makes the journey possible.
