Too often in our relationships, we focus our attention on what we don’t want.
For example, “I don’t want to feel so unappreciated,” or, “I don’t want to go another week without any intimacy.”
Believe it or not, when we focus on what we don’t want, we get (wait for it…) more of what we don’t want! As the famous saying goes, “What we focus on expands.”
You can begin by asking yourself about what you really want within your relationship. Is it affection? Acknowledgment? Romance? Connection?
Now, let’s turn what you don’t want into what you do want.
- “I don’t want to feel unappreciated” becomes “I want to feel appreciated.”
- “I don’t want to be ignored” becomes “I want to be acknowledged.”
- “I don’t want to feel lonely” becomes “I want to find ways to connect.”
Chances are that your partner may have similar desires and goals. Approaching desires in a simple and positive way can dramatically improve your relationship!
The key is to turn your desires and relationship goals into daily mini-habits that create a renewed sense of intimacy and love, help you and your partner to know each other better, and support you both as you grow together. Here are a few mini-habits to get you started:
- Appreciation-a-day: Each evening, before dinner, share one thing that you genuinely appreciate about each other.
- Favorite-of-the-day: As you begin your day, take turns asking each other,“ What is your favorite (fill in the blank?).”
- 5-minute book club: Agree to spend 5 minutes reading the same book (or listening to the same podcast) and have a short convo before bed.
- Romantic-kiss-a-day: Look into your partner’s eyes and share a romantic kiss…at least once every day!
Expressing what you do want and using daily mini-habits may seem insignificant, but they add up – and they are a lot of fun! Choose mini-habits that nourish your souls, and you can make your relationship goals a reality!
Healthy Love Habits is Raising Arizona Kids’s relationship column for learning simple habits to create the healthy and loving connection you desire and deserve.
