As I sit here and think back to when I first became a dad, it was arguably one of the most terrifying and stressful times of my life! I had all kinds of questions along with emotions that ranged from happy to sad to confused – all of this I would eventually find out was normal and just my body preparing me for fatherhood.
One of the biggest questions I had was how to form a bond with my child while in the womb. I’ll be totally honest with you, as a young dad I didn’t have a clue. But as I got more excited, my eagerness to learn grew.
I observed and studied old cultures, some of which had various rituals the fathers had to undergo (needless to say those weren’t for me) but I’d ask myself, how can I use this today?
Here are some of the things I learned to help me form a bond with my baby:
- Be present. Being there from the start shows you are willing to share the experience from start to finish.
- Talk to your baby. I would speak and read directly to my child via the mother’s stomach, and to my surprise he reacted! This let me know that I could form that bond I so desired even before he would see or smell me.
- Show up to the appointments (if you can). I was all in and there at every appointment and every ultrasound. Our bond grew to the point that when he was restless in his mother’s womb, the sound of my voice would soothe him.
- Skin-to-skin time. Take off your shirt and hold that baby close to you. Let them smell your scent and hear your heart beat and rhythm.
- Take part in the day-to-day operations. Once our baby was home, our bonding continued. I took over the morning shift. I fed, bathed, and changed him .We had conversations about what my plans for his future were and how he’s going to conquer the world one day.
Statistics show that when fathers are involved, children do better socially, emotionally, and academically. Just remember this: Kids don’t need you to be perfect just present.
Interact, embrace, engage and give unconditional LOVE!
If you’re looking for more ways to get involved as a dad, check out Dou-Bro’z – a Phoenix-based doula service for fathers whose goal is to change the narrative for men and dads when dealing with childbirth/child care.
Through a series of courses called “Him, Her, Baby” men are educated about the hormonal changes from the pregnancy to the birth cycle. They also teach various bonding techniques for fathers who, for whatever reason, have been away from their children.
Dou Bro’z strives to promote its slogan: M.E.N, or Masculine Evolved Nurturing – meaning men should not have to throw out what their fathers/grandfathers taught them, but instead allow those teachings to evolve to fit this generation.
For more information or to register for a course, visit dou-broz.com
Patrick Hutchins is the founder of Dou-Bro’z, a Doula/Childbirth education service for dads. He’s on a mission to change the narrative about men and childbirth by educating men on their hormonal changes during the pregnancy to birth cycle. He is a father of four, grandfather of two, and resides in Chandler.
