You’ve been there for your child’s first words, first steps and first day of school. Are you ready for their first heartbreak?
It can be easy for adults to dismiss the feelings of a young teen going through their first real emotional breakup. As a parent with maturity and experience, you know these feelings will pass, that a broken heart won’t last forever and that your child will eventually find someone else to be smitten with.
But think back to your first broken heart. Do you remember the feelings of sadness, anger, despair or loneliness?
Follow these Dos and Don’ts to help a teen through their first, or any significant, breakup:
- Do be a good listener. Encourage your child to talk about how they are feeling. Really listen and then validate what they are saying. Try saying things like: “I know this is hard,” or “It’s sad when an important relationship ends.”
- Don’t trivialize your teen’s feelings. Avoid statements like, “This isn’t that big of a deal,” or “High school relationships don’t usually work out anyway.”
- Do provide distractions. Take your child to a movie, sporting event, shopping, or to a favorite restaurant. Distractions can be helpful in the initial days after a breakup.
- Don’t criticize a teen’s ex. Criticism, like saying, “I told you so,” or using placating statements like, “You can do better,” are rarely helpful.
Do talk about social media. Talk to your child about how to respectfully handle a breakup on social media. Remind them to avoid posting anything they may regret later. - Do encourage normal routines. After the teen has had several days to grieve, encourage them to begin returning to their regular activities, like homework, chores, family outings and extracurricular activities.
- Do seek help if needed. After a few days of heartache, the teen’s emotions will likely begin to calm down, only to resurface again. This roller coaster of emotions is normal. But after a few of these phases, a teen’s emotions should begin to level out for good. If your teen struggles for more than a few weeks, it may be a good idea to seek professional intervention.
Relationship issues and romantic breakups can be a major contributing factor to suicidal thoughts for some teens. If you are concerned about a teen struggling with a breakup, encourage them to call Teen Lifeline 24/7/365 at (602) 248-TEEN (8336) or (800) 248-TEEN for free and confidential help.
Teens can also text the hotline at (602) 248-8336 between the hours of noon and 9 p.m. on weekdays and 3 p.m. and 9 p.m. on weekends.
