Parenting is hard. For many parents, the prolonged COVID-19 crisis has made it even harder. Parents have been stretched thin–worrying about finances, their family’s health and their children’s care and development. Children have been impacted too, as the pandemic’s far-reaching effects have disrupted their daily life and development. With all the stress caused by the pandemic and families being cooped up together more often, tension in the household may be a bit higher.

Becoming more frustrated or annoyed with family members is understandable during challenging times. When we start to feel overwhelmed, it can be easy to lose our temper and argue with one another or behave rudely. These conflicts can make tensions even worse if not resolved or managed. So what can we do to create a more supportive environment for the whole family? Here are some recommendations from our early childhood development experts:

Set boundaries

A child running and screaming in the background of a Zoom work meeting would irritate many parents. Likewise, a parent cutting a child’s playtime short to get to an appointment probably aggravates the child. It’s crucial that family members discuss clear boundaries so that everyone is aware of each other’s wants and needs. Creating structure together is also important for defining boundaries — have time set aside for self-care, play, work, school and other responsibilities.

“Children three and older are increasingly able to understand that the things they want may be at odds with what others want,” says Dr. Alison Steier, director of Mental Health Services and the Harris Institute at Southwest Human Development. “This is an important cognitive and emotional development and gives parents the opportunity to support such skills as waiting, finding a middle ground (collaborating) and going with the program (cooperating)—skills they will need in all relationships.”

Find time to focus on joy

Enjoying positive experiences together helps relieve some of the frustrations or resentment that can build up. Spend time with your child doing interactive activities that you both enjoy. Try reading with them, crafting, or making a fort! And be sure to give time and attention to each person in your family so that they feel valued and loved.

“Setting aside worries and work responsibilities to immerse ourselves in play with our children can be very joyful for parents—reminding us of our child selves and giving us insight into how our children are making sense of their experiences,” says Steier.

Perspective-taking

Keeping others’ perspectives in mind can help us be more patient and create solutions to conflict. With the ongoing pandemic, most everyone is stressed and facing their own individual struggles. Parents can step out of parenting into their job or relationship, but children can’t step out of needing care. And remember: just as parents won’t always show up as our best selves, neither will our kids. We see a lot of our imperfections and our kids’ imperfections during challenging times, so a little empathy will go a long way.

Managing anger during conflict 

Conflict can’t always be avoided. But when our child pushes our buttons, allowing our anger to dictate our actions can have negative results. In moments of conflict, you can better manage your anger by practicing mindfulness, using techniques to calm yourself, temporarily removing yourself from the situation or finding support from a partner, friend, or family member. And as parents, we have a responsibility not only to maintain a supportive relationship with our children but also to model effective coping skills. 

For young children who are developing communication skills, their frustrations, anger or need for attention can sometimes be expressed through tantrums or other challenging behaviors. We may find ourselves wanting to yell or punish our children to put a stop to their behavior, but these harsh tactics can create unhealthy patterns in the long term.

Instead, try to stay calm and discuss and validate your child’s feelings while still putting a limit on their behavior. Teaching your child how to express their feelings with words and practice self-regulation can help relieve heightened emotional states.

Maintaining strong relationships after conflict

When we hit “speed bumps’’ in any relationship, the relationship can be damaged if the conflict is left unaddressed. Ignoring a conflict and any hurt feelings it causes might work temporarily, but it leaves the door open to the conflict returning and builds resentment and distrust in the relationship. 

Conflict doesn’t have to be a negative experience, though. Instead, we can view it as an opportunity to communicate our feelings and learn to better support each other. By resolving conflict, we build even stronger relationships. We can repair relationships after conflict by acknowledging the hurt we caused and expressing remorse. And talking with your child about strategies they can use in the future gives them a more concrete understanding of how to prevent or manage conflict. 

Tips for reducing parenting stress

Feeling stressed? Between working, cooking, cleaning, managing schedules, and chauffeuring, parenting is a lot of work! Studies show that parents who report higher levels of stress are more likely to be authoritarian, harsh, and negative in their interactions with their child. Reducing stress can allow you to relish the time you have with your children and build a happier, more positive relationship.

If you’re a parent of a young child, check out our tips for managing stress:

Have more fun with your children

Find interactive activities that you and your child both enjoy. Try reading to them, crafting, or making a fort! By spending positive time together, you will create memories and build a relationship outside of your daily parental responsibilities.

Live a balanced life

Don’t spread yourself too thin by signing yourself or your young children up for too many appointments and activities. Coordinating multiple packed schedules puts stress on both parents and children. Leave some time open on your calendar so you have time to unwind.

Make time for yourself

When your life revolves around someone else, it can be hard to tend to your own needs. Whether it’s exercising, watching TV, talking to a friend on the phone, or just taking a long nap, focusing on yourself can help you recharge! While some parents may feel guilty for having time for themselves, it actually improves their relationships with their children. A less stressed parent is a more patient, energetic parent! And if you can’t seem to find time for yourself…

Ask for help

Enlist the help of your partner, family, friends or a child care professional to care for your child. Even your older children can watch or play with your young child while you have some time for yourself.

Find support

Being able to talk about your struggles can be a major help with alleviating stress. Spend some time talking to your partner, friends, or therapist to take the weight off your shoulders. Utilizing your support system is not only a form of self-care, but can also allow you to hear some new ideas for coping with parenting stress.

If you’re feeling stressed, the Birth to Five Helpline is a free service open to all Arizona families with young children. Call or text the free helpline at 877-705-KIDS (5437), Monday – Friday, 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. for free child development support, or visit swhd.org/helpline for more information.

Southwest Human Development is Arizona’s largest nonprofit dedicated to early childhood development. Learn more at www.swhd.org