Relationships can sometimes feel like a bedroom closet in desperate need of a refreshing makeover. You stand in the doorway looking at your dull and dusty closet, and you don’t know where to begin. Springtime is your opportunity to take inventory and take action to refresh your relationship.
This ‘spring cleaning’ begins with envisioning your ideal relationship. What are you doing together? Where are you headed? How does it feel to you?
After gauging your current status, talk to your partner about what they envision. As Marie Kondo might say, “if it sparks (mutual) joy, keep and cherish it. If not, say thank you and (together) let it go.”
Make a list of things that you do, or could do, to spark joy in your relationship.
A “spark joy” list may include:
- Cooking a new recipe together
- Starting a “book club for two”
- Picnics around the house or in nature
- Having a fancy breakfast in bed
- Lighting candles
- Playing a game of “Would You Rather”
- Spontaneously hiring a babysitter for a date night at a favorite restaurant
Commit to consistently doing the things that spark joy in your relationship.
Acknowledge and thank the things that do not bring joy, making a “let go” list. Letting go will make space for more of the things that bring you both joy.
A “let go” list may include:
- Eating with the television on
- Being on the phone when spending time together
- Posting on social media
- Hanging on to negative relationships
- Hanging on to past resentments toward one another
Hold your vision of your ideal relationship in the forefront of your mind and act in alignment with your vision. Your vision will guide you to make individual and mutual choices that increase joy in your relationship. Letting go may not be easy; however, ‘spring cleaning your relationship” can bring a renewed sense of friendship, intimacy, and connection.
Healthy Love Habits is Raising Arizona Kids’s monthly relationship column for learning simple habits to create the healthy and loving connection you desire and deserve.
Karen Aurit, LAMFT, is Director and Co-Founder of The Aurit Center for Divorce Mediation in Scottsdale, Arizona. Karen is a Licensed Associate Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in mindfulness theory. She is also an Adjunct Professor at The Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at Pepperdine University School of Law and at Arizona State University’s Sandra Day O’Connor School of Law. Karen is married to Michael Aurit, and they live in Phoenix, Arizona, with their three and five-year-old daughters. Karen can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. To learn more, visit auritmediation.com