By: Courtney Deeren
When Caregiving Becomes Everything
Caregiving has a way of expanding into every corner of life. For parents and caregivers of children with disabilities, the days can quickly fill with appointments, therapies, school meetings, paperwork, advocacy, medication schedules, behavior support and the emotional work of constantly anticipating what might come next.Â
It is meaningful work. It is loving work. And it can also be exhausting work.
Over time, many caregivers begin to notice that parts of themselves feel harder to reach. Hobbies get pushed aside. Friendships become harder to maintain. Personal interests start to feel less important than the needs of the child or family member receiving care. This shift is understandable, but it can also leave caregivers feeling isolated, depleted, or disconnected from who they were before caregiving became so central.
Maintaining personal identity is part of emotional health and a caregiver’s identity is not limited to caregiving. Caregivers still have their own interests, relationships, preferences, values and hopes for the future. These parts of a person do not disappear as caregiving responsibilities increase. Sometimes they just need space to be remembered again.
Start With a Hobby
Hobbies can be a safe place to begin.Â
A hobby does not need to require hours of free time or uninterrupted quiet. It might look like reading a few pages before bed, tending to plants, listening to music in the car, journaling, crafting, or taking ten minutes to stretch. The goal is not to add one more task to an already full life. The goal is reconnection. Even small moments of enjoyment can remind caregivers that their own interests still matter.
Making Space for Friendship
Friendships also play an important role in caregiver well-being. Many caregivers experience changes in their social lives because of exhaustion, financial strain, limited respite, or the unpredictability of family needs. Plans may need to be flexible. Conversations may happen by text instead of over lunch. Some friendships may fade, while others deepen through honesty, patience and understanding.
Caregivers often benefit from naming what support actually looks like. That might mean asking a friend to check in, sit with them during a hard week, drop off coffee, listen without offering advice, or understand when plans need to change.Â
Support does not have to be big to be meaningful. Sometimes being remembered is enough.
Holding Onto the Parts of Yourself
Guilt is often one of the biggest barriers to caregivers seeking support. Many caregivers feel that taking time for themselves means taking something away from the person they love. In reality, rest, friendship, creativity and enjoyment are basic human needs. Protecting those needs does not take away from caregiving. It helps sustain the caregiver.
Caregiving may be a central part of life, but it should not be the only part. Caregivers deserve support that sees their full humanity. Making room for hobbies, friendships, and personal identity is not a luxury. It is one way caregivers stay connected to themselves while continuing to care for the people they love.
About the AuthorÂ
Courtney is a licensed therapist, disability advocate and mother to a child with Phelan-McDermid Syndrome. Her lived experiences inspired her to become involved in family support and advocacy efforts to bridge the gap in necessary services. Courtney co-facilitates virtual support groups through Care 4 the Caregivers drawing from her background in disability studies and trauma-informed care, and works to strengthen support and community for caregiving families across Arizona.
